she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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