Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
