i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize