I think I died a long time ago.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
