why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My vagina just clenched in fear
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
