so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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