i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
