zippers are such a cool invention
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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