In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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