Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
