one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
