So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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