why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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