too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
