I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize