ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
