but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
