Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
