she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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