cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize