I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
