Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
