Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
