the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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