I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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