I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
