I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
