I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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