yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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