Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
