My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
