Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
