I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
