You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
