i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
that may or may not have been my penis.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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