Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
