ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
