At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
