he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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