and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
