I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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