This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
