my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
