shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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