My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
