i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
