I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
