i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
