just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
