if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
