I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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