Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
