My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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