My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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