3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
