what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
