My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
