You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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