so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
