so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
