At least make sure they are 18
Why
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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