Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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