oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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