i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
