All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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