Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
