You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
splinters make it hard to masturbate
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Found the puke drawer
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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