Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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